the unspoken static

it starts with the goosebumps

skin prickling / awake with attention

[fading ever so slightly]

(there were never fireworks when we met, but there was an electric connection

and he talked about the static but i never understood

until now)

(text messages dwindling like light

dying, dying, dying by night)

(everything is related

i'm not crazy, i promise)

then there's the distance

invisible gap between you and I / we're not actually touching

[disconnecting]

(i haven't figured out what to say to you yet

i just need a little longer to shift through the

static static static sandbox)

(i don't blame you for not speaking to me

but i'll wait because i haven't forgotten

how happy i used to make you once)

(overdramatic, 'pity parties', silly)

sensations dulling

everything tastes like / mashed potatoes

[you're holding a {we're all} mannequin{s}]

(sorry, i'm being overdramatic whiny ridiculous [human])

(fragile paper dolls / dressing ourselves up / so easily set alight)

(falling asleep

waking up

routine routine routine)

memory crumbling

like dull autumn leaves / disintigrating

[phasing in and out]

(i never was good at writing about happy things)

(if this is what adulthood is like, i don't want it)

(days / weeks / months

i'm still mostly here, i think promise)

it ends with the watching

silence and open eyes / like vacant windowframes

(whatever you want)

(i don't care)

(it doesn't matter.)

(it never really mattered anyway.)

...the unspoken static