my heart is heavier than my textbooks

i've read macbeth and huckleberry finn

i've spent hours doing algebra and i've watched a video on terrorism

they've told me god is real and faith can fix everything

they pound hours upon hours of information into my mind and they say that i can't miss more than four days of school.

but x-3y-z=4 never helped me sleep better at night

religion didn't scrub away the marks on my skin

and no amount of 'neat handwriting' will ever make me feel safe with anyone again.

they say they're preparing me for life but 

all they want is for the assignments to be turned in

for me to be present in class

because

all 

that 

matters 

is 

the 

body 

count.

they spend hours and hours telling us to study
to sleep
to eat three meals a day and go outside more

they didn't take into account the fact that we're human beings
ticking time bombs, each brain synapse firing
feeling exploding and living creating

and we need time
to breathe to take baths to write to sing to make music to paint to fall in love to break our own hearts to go on adventures to play around to lie to bake pies for our neighbors to make mistakes
to live

they taught me things
like where i can find the small intestine in a frog
or how to play soccer (p.s. if i wanted to play soccer, i would have started a long time ago)

but they didn't mention what to do
when your heart breaks (they just say it gets easier)
when you can't wake up in the morning (you have to go to school anyways)
when your father has an affair you aren't supposed to know about (they don't ever talk about this)

my mother has all of the time in the world to call a math tutor
but all she has are excuses when it comes to a therapist

but don't worry because even though the world is so heavy
i'll come to class on time
and even though i tear myself apart during the night
i'll smile and wave during the day
because

at

least

i

have

my

priorities

straight