momentary magic

it's been a long time since i've dressed up for someone.
i put on that floral green dress that fits just right
slipping on those heels and then settling on a separate pair
pinned my hair back in a bun with those strands just wavy enough in the front
and a white flower to top it all off


i went to europe and i met someone.
someone unlike anything i've ever encountered in my entire life.
(it was like our strings were connected)
someone that - for a moment - brought back that magic.

for a moment
just for a moment
i wasn't a confused college student making mobiles out of her broken pieces with a father that might as well be a super-villain and a family that is struggling.
none of that mattered and things were exciting and fun and everything was just a little bit brighter.

in the quiet spaces i think about going to dinner together.
talking about the eight months he spent in south america, his coffee shop
my rambunctious high school adventures and how much i love to dance.
we didn't kiss but oh, how i wanted to

i didn't realize how tired i am of it all.
the settling.
those tindr hookups people use as a short-term fix
following the old 9-5 because it's comfortable
hell, giving into that bleakness of life.
i'm so tired of it.
there is so much settling.

(maybe that's why he struck me like that
for the first time it didn't feel like settling
it felt like being chosen)

there's no glitter to be found in the gutter
no glory in waiting for the beautiful times
in longing for another kiss, no matter how messy
yes, it's so much easier to stay buckled up and to keep driving
but where's the fun in that?
none of the incredible stories were born in comfort zones

i don't know about you but i'm going to stick my head out the window
sing loudly (and poorly) especially in the shower
run around in the grass and down the road
make ugly faces at babies while their parents are watching
light every candle i have and dance around my bedroom like i'm at my first prom
and maybe even set off those lanterns from tangled and think about that first day we met.

even though that wonderful boy and i had so little time
it was momentary magic
i'll stop missing him eventually
but in the meantime
i'll be looking for more magic like the kind he left me with