i like berets anyway

dear paris,

they say the flight is eleven hours

but it feels a lot more like seventeen years. 

i've got my fingertips pressed up against the window of the plane

and i'm looking at you from the other side of the plexiglass

and i'm scared.

i'm scared and i'm writing you a letter like you're a person and it's probably not helping that i'm listening to a playlist that sounds like i imagined you'd be.

but paris, when i think about you, i daydream about traveling, charming artists with curly black mustaches and smiles as wide as the moon.

i daydream about sunny days

and stores that lend out books and sell coffee

and locals that treat you like family

and i imagined it would be effortless

but i'm scared to get off of this plane because the minute i do is the minute i wake up.

you were always a dream, but now that you're achievable i'm afraid i'll be disappointed.

you're a fairy tale.

you're not the paris, france that everybody else knows.

you're the thing that only exists in movies and i'm sorry.

and it's really depressing to learn that you're not real

especially from a letter written by a teenage girl.

but i have some good news for you.

i think i know why we were told to find you.

sure, it was to find creative freedom, but you're more than the capital of a country. you're more than the eiffel tower and the romance tucked away in the your streets and anybody that has ever visited you.

you're an idea and that's what nelson has been trying to tell us all along and for some reason, that hasn't clicked until now.

you're a lot harder to find than i thought.

you were never really pastries and cobblestone streets-

you were the way that he smiled and called you beautiful

and messy cars going 80mph blasting the star trek theme song

and warm baths and cosy naps and you were falling in love
falling in love with him and her and you. 

paris was never a destination

it's a feeling

and hopefully i never forget that.

i expected paris to snatch my breath away like it does in movies.

and who is to say that it won't?

so thank you.

thank you for not being merely a city with a reputation

and instead for being the kind of home you won't ever find on a map.

here's to you, paris

the plane tickets weren't a waste after all